Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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