just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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