We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
