Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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