a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
