I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
