you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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