some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
