im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There r osticjed everywhere
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
