Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
