I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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