Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize