She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
