sarcasm needs its own font
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
