Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
