dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
