It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
