Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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