it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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