dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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