The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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