Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
