the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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