Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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