Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
