The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
