She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
