Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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