Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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