So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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