He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
