hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
