there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
