So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
