Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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