Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
