6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
