Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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