i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Found the puke drawer
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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