First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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