she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
