If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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