Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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