I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
