i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
