the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize