DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
