I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
