I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
