my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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