Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
