best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize