I bet he comes in French.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
