Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
