weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
