Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
