I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The Olympian is in my bed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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