Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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