Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
