In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
