I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
