He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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