The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
