i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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