but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We have so much sex to catch up on
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
