I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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