So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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