i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize