I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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