bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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