He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need a beard to bite.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
