i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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