Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need water and some morals
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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