I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
