you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
