He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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