As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
