Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
