Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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