I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize