I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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