dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize