I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
