oh god the rape fog is back!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
