Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize