Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
