It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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