the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
