Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
