Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
