Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
