it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
