did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
