Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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