about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
