Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
