I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
