Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
