Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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